happy valentine's day.
blah blah, i realize there's a whole anti-vday movement based around the "consumer driven commercial holiday" aspect and the materialistic nature of this kind of love. but i like valentine's day. and i'm single- very, very single- so it's not that i'm caught up in the romance of it all.
for me, valentine's day isn't about loneliness... it's about possibility. yes, vday is totally commercial, but isn't that just wonderful? that there's such a big market for love? that's got to mean something. if attempts at building a business around love were to fail, then i'd be concerned. but look around: everything is red. even if we aren't in love, i can rest assured, knowing that i'm not waiting for some alien emotion, something that no one's ever found.
it is leviathan
and we in its belly
looking for joy, some joy
not to be known outside it.
- the ache of marriage
that has been speaking in my head all day, for no reason. i'm fully alone but hardly lonely, except when i think about it really hard and how it'd be nice to have another set of fingers and eyelashes and lips entwined with mine. but. hey. that's just how it goes.
all the wise elders keep saying that i'm not the kind who will find love.. love will find me. and i know that's cliche, like everything else in my silly little phase of oxygen consumption, but i wonder if it's true. cause i'm looking, kind of, and i'm not finding it. except maybe love for myself.
i guess i'm just really weird.
not in a bad way, just in a way that makes it so that i've got to wait for the one other weird person in the world to come along, the one other person who's not feeling so lonely tonight but rather, just..
hopeful.
3 comments:
I think love comes along when you least expect it. but even in a relationship I don't like Val day. Mine was so stressful in the run-up thinking that my man wasn't even going to see me, that even when he turned up on my doorstep with a card and presents, I still felt like my previous doubt had ruined it a little.
Gah, I accidentally posted under a fictitious account I'm using for work (the deleted comment).
Anyway, I wanted to note how nicely optimistic this post was, and I have a theory about what Polly is saying about love finding people - I think that when you are most yourself, when you aren't worrying about who is watching, that you become most appealing to onlookers. And that's why love finds people, not the other way around.
Also, stay weird. 'Normal' people don't get to be special.
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