i'm not there, and i never will be. i haven't remembered the pills in a week, he doesn't love me and it's not about age, i dreamt about more wonderful men and i want that to feel normal. i bit my lip and it bled a lot, and i don't think that's poetic at all. i want the world i want to be released i want to be completely uninhibited and i want to be there. i'm not there. at times i see it, i see the way it winks but then i look again and i'm falling backwards on the line graph, i'm into the negative numbers reaching for infinity. i'm breaking bones, i'm stretching too thin. i'm eating refined carbohydrates and sugar, and i'm feeling like shit. i want to be resolved. i'm not there. i never will be. i will always be here, even if by some divine miracle i end up there. i'm never there. i want it but it doesn't want me back. this feels eternal, and helpless. i'm drowning, i'm murmuring, i'm falling back back back to the womb. this is never going to happen. i am not there.
but i promise you,
i'm trying.
1 comment:
you will get there,
or at least close to it.
because even things that seem still are still changing.
i remind myself of that often.
give it some time and it will get better.
it has to, right?
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