so, i guess this is the case for everyone, but i'm really just trying to build this life around me, the life i think i should lead filled with the people i think i should know and only the love i think i deserve. i wonder if this is good, that i would look at person a as the right guy, person b as out of reach, person c as not acceptable. i wonder how many times i've talked myself out of happiness because i thought i was doing the right thing. i wonder how many regrets it will take until i start living more honestly. i wonder if i'm being honest now, or if i'm just lying to myself and telling myself there's a bigger picture when really it's all just random brush strokes. i wonder if i'll ever be able to communicate coherently again. i've gotten into this daze and now my words come out like crayola washables, bleeding blue, instead of crisp executive statements with perfect punctuation.
(in other news, i watched american beauty today and it was excellent. and i'm a harsh critic. so if you haven't seen it yet, get in your car and rent it now.)
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3 comments:
I've been doing a lot of similar thinking lately, about Who I Am vs Who I Want To Be.
I found this sentence to be particularly poignant and lovely "so, i guess this is the case for everyone, but i'm really just trying to build this life around me, the life i think i should lead filled with the people i think i should know and only the love i think i deserve"
And you know what else, life is definitely not definite and well defined. So it okay for you to bend the rules, because really you are your own life's rule maker.
I use a lot of exclamation marks too, I feel like adding a little ding! as well. But it'd become a public nuisance, so I compromise.
If you are an artist/art student and like American Beauty, you have to see Six Feet Under (both Alan Ball)nif you haven't already. Especially season 3.
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